So my landlady told me awhile back I could make ten bucks an hour helping her clean apartments so they can look nice for prospective renters. So this morning around 11:00 am get a call
"You still interested in cleaning apartments?" my landlady asked
"Yeah." I replied
"Alright, well do you want to come down to my apartment around 2:30?"
"Yeah, that sounds good!"
And so I dressed in some of my grungiest attire and headed down to her apartment. She informed me that this one wasn't too bad and would be good to test whether to not I'd want to back out. I was assuring myself that I wouldn't be grossed out by a little dirt and that this place would just need a light rinse and vacuuming. I walk in and it's pretty nice, thus furthering my belief that this would be easy. My landlady pointed to the refrigerator, handed me a sponge, and told me to start in on that.
"Ok," I'm thinking as I opened the fridge “It's not too bad in here." And that is when I pulled the bottom shelf out.
In the gap between shelf and fridge was wedged an assortment of dried food bits, what used to be a liquid of some kind, and a dead spider. I donned some gloves that smelled a bit like a condom and scrubbed the shit out of the small ecosystem; due to this I now believe I have improved my wanking abilities! I then searched the corners of the fridge and discovered a spill...somehow under a ledge, cleaned that, and went on to clean the freezer.
Within the freezer I found a teething ring, four ice-cube trays, and a hotdog. I found this rather amusing and was rather disappointed that they had to be thrown away (deep down though I knew it must be so.)
I glanced at my landlady scrubbing burnt stuff off the oven.
"All this," she said "is eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes...everyday for breakfast they had eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes."
I was then told to scrub the sides and top of the fridge...some how the egg, bacon, sausage, and pancake cooking residue ended up around there. I spent maybe fifteen minutes trying to scrub off cocked on grease.
When it was all said and done I was covered in gross water, smelled like sweat and condoms, tensed my shoulders up, and earned twenty dollars.