I feel soo sexy

So my landlady told me awhile back I could make ten bucks an hour helping her clean apartments so they can look nice for prospective renters.  So this morning around 11:00 am get a call
"You still interested in cleaning apartments?" my landlady asked
"Yeah." I replied
"Alright, well do you want to come down to my apartment around 2:30?"
"Yeah, that sounds good!"
And so I dressed in some of my grungiest attire and headed down to her apartment.  She informed me that this one wasn't too bad and would be good to test whether to not I'd want to back out.  I was assuring myself that I wouldn't be grossed out by a little dirt and that this place would just need a light rinse and vacuuming.  I walk in and it's pretty nice, thus furthering my belief that this would be easy.  My landlady pointed to the refrigerator, handed me a sponge, and told me to start in on that.
"Ok," I'm thinking as I opened the fridge “It's not too bad in here."  And that is when I pulled the bottom shelf out.
In the gap between shelf and fridge was wedged an assortment of dried food bits, what used to be a liquid of some kind, and a dead spider.  I donned some gloves that smelled a bit like a condom and scrubbed the shit out of the small ecosystem; due to this I now believe I have improved my wanking abilities!  I then searched the corners of the fridge and discovered a spill...somehow under a ledge, cleaned that, and went on to clean the freezer.
Within the freezer I found a teething ring, four ice-cube trays, and a hotdog.  I found this rather amusing and was rather disappointed that they had to be thrown away (deep down though I knew it must be so.)
I glanced at my landlady scrubbing burnt stuff off the oven.
"All this," she said "is eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes...everyday for breakfast they had eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes."
I was then told to scrub the sides and top of the fridge...some how the egg, bacon, sausage, and pancake cooking residue ended up around there.  I spent maybe fifteen minutes trying to scrub off cocked on grease.
When it was all said and done I was covered in gross water, smelled like sweat and condoms, tensed my shoulders up, and earned twenty dollars.

Mikey wants me to write...

Today was supposed to be a party day, and it was to an extent. 
I got to the specified location about a half-hour early so I lay barefoot in the sun for twenty-five minutes...alas my feet got cold and I got paranoid that someone was going to drop a stone on my face and crush it...this is why I never enjoy things >.< . 
Eventually people showed up and there was much sitting about feeling awkward (huzzah *sarcasm*).  In the midst of the awkward pow-wow tummies started to grumble and those with cars drove off for sustenance leaving us poor non-drivers to rot.  Being the nice person I am (I'm not) I volunteered to return to my house to get food.  I receive a transfer and promise to be back in a half-hour tops juuuust as the bus pulls up to the stop.  I start booking it.  I thought the driver saw me, but apparently he didn't 'cus right when I got there he pulled away.  I was left at the curb feeling like a fail/fat/unhappy as I waited eleven minutes for the next bus.
When I got home my mom and I rooted through the cupboards for noms we didn't want around...we filled two bags and I departed thinking that I was pretty bomb for killing two birds with one stone (feeding people and cleaning the cupboards).  I waited for the 3A only to discover it is a magical fairy beast and thus is hard to find...an unremarkable twenty minutes later and I was back at the party.
Noms were eaten and also thrown (pricks, just because you didn't like the food doesn’t mean you can throw it around...I would have found someone who wanted to eat it) and I had to pick it all up.  There was more awkward standing about when finally the guy who's party this was supposed to be arrived (three hours late).  He spent most of the time with another group of people so the group I was with went and collected firewood.  At that point a Metro Transit bus, seemingly from heaven, stopped and sent forth a trio of angles who saved us from our awkward limbo (that's what Beck, Mikey, and Mogar seemed like at the time.)  After collecting the wood and making a fire, and having another angel appear (JuJu), eight of us went and colored; from that group six went to the oriental market to buy smokes and candy.  When we return people are bitching about how some guy lost his keys and had we seen them (they were on the table when it was being cleaned after that I have no idea)?  We six decide that this party kinda sucks now, so we left.  My angels rode their SkyBus home and I began to walk to mine.  On my way back however I start to get my "Creepy Sights"...this time I see dead bodies in windows and a massive black shape crawling towards me from across the street.  I felt like running but didn't.
I got home, made myself some spaghetti with pesto, and called my friend Jeff to see if he was going to come over tomorrow.  He said he couldn't, but I talked to him for a good two hours which gave me more proof that he is an adorable guy ^.^.  When that was all done I stuck in a few Pixar movies and made a Live Journal...


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